CHAPTER 21 – BRADEN KINCAID

Uprising has been hard for me. Not because of the competition, even though I had to pull double duty and lost the Tag Team Championships to the ever-EVIL Diabolical Forces. No, this has a lot more to do with memory. Since I’m in the Uprising Gauntlet, I’ve had a hard time memorizing every guy’s names in it. Normally, I’d only remember the names of the big players that I need to get ahead of, or my own opponents on PPV, but considering both my matches have 21 other competitors involved, bummer! 21, that’s a lot of guys! I’m already pretty acquainted with the evil Mormon and Menonite, now that I lost the Tag Team Championships. But hey, I didn’t even get breathing time, after a huge first round win from the Uprising Challenge.

Now that was a challenge alright! I came in at #07 after watching the match on a monitor, the only thing I could do to avoid getting bored. Keeping up with the action was a little hard. Kenny started things off after beating some drill sergeant and two other guys with funny names. If only Miranda was here, I’d get to know they’re names for the obligatory 10 seconds, but she had to be out of town tonight of all nights! She also made sure I had to watch all the matches tonight too! Something about becoming better at what I do.. blah blah. Of course I had to! She hid the X-box till she was sure I did.

Then this huge guy Beast comes in and… wait a minute! That’s not X-Men’s Beast!!! Dammit, would have been fun to use sound logic against a guy like Kenny but brute force works too. Beast made quick work of Kenny and The Crippler, who looked nothing like the guy whose name was apparently erased from history. Tough break, now that guy was a killer… errr… wrestler. That’s when some nerd came up to tell me I was next.

ALRIGHT! Time for the “The Thriller” to dash his way to the ring. Good timing too as I had to teach this ‘Beast’ a lesson: never ever disappoint Braden Kincaid by pretending to be a Marvel character. While cleverly avoiding all of the heavy moves, I finally got caught by Beast in a bearhug, when I thought to use my head, literally! OUCH, that was one mean headbutt! Still, followed that with the Thrilling to the corner! Beast was on shaky legs as The Thriller hits the Thrill Ride for the pin. Next up, Jonathan Darkstar, one of those guys from the time I lost his North American Championship. Lucky for me, I STILL have THAT belt. SUCKERS! Next up was Sevyn, the guy who’s had big-time matches with the legendary Sean Taylor, and for having the neatest blue hairdo. Sevyn was tough though, as he brought in a lot of fight and almost nailed a Perfect Plex which I ‘thrilled’ out of into a Kincaid Klash for the pin! And with that the bell rang. Braden Kincaid wins!!! Wait, DAMN! There’s a round 2 too…

This is where things started going downhill. Picture this: I was sorta celebrating backstage high-5ing everybody. Went past this guy Lynch Garrison who wasn’t in the mood. Looks like he had a bad night. That when those EVIL Diabolical Forces jumped me from behind. Which was a bad thing since my Tag Title defense was next. 20 minutes later, I head down to the ring for the match. Should have just stayed in the ring and gotten ahead with it; now for half the match my partner Hawkeye had to go it alone. Finally made the hot tag, but with a little assist from Sevyn, the Diabolical Forces walked out as Tag Team Champions. Was I upset? You betcha! But not as upset as Hawkeye was, as he just left the ring without even saying anything. I did try calling him back but then I thought I’d prolly catch up with him in round 2 of the Gauntlet.

Sure enough, Round 2 started with me going head to head with Paul Doom. The Baddest Man from Australia, this guy was the International Champion and just beat Rocko Daymon to retain the belt. So he’s got the International Title, he doesn’t need the big belt right? Didn’t seem like it as this guy was big and tough. Almost about to go for a powerbomb but didn’t. I look around and see Daymon in the ring with a baseball bat. So he’s about to hit Doom with it right, and turns out, he hit ME in the gut! ME?! Why the f***?! This couldn’t be good, but then the bells rang and get this: Doom gets DQ’d! WTF?! Doom argues with the ref and then runs right after Daymon. So I’m still in it I guess, but dammit why am I taking all the hits here. The lights then go out, now what!? The spotlight hits the rafters and, uh oh…

Now this was scary. Here’s the guy that literally tore up that guy Garrison. Then it hits me its Lord Alucard’s turn now. And there he is, standing right there up on the rafters. Gotta admit, that jump to the ring thing he does is off the hook, and it could scare me shitless right now. But he’s just standing there. Waiting and doing nothing. Just tonight he beat up the Hazard in a brutal Cage match and it was all gloves off for that match. But with gloves like THOSE, it was better he kept them on! Then the light goes off and that’s… it? He doesn’t get in the ring and the next guy’s about to show up. Sad though, really wanted to ask him where I could get me those gloves.

Next up is AOD… not to be mistaken for POD, which by the way are awesome. This guy on the other hand looks like that sh*tty Twilight guy, which by the way is NOT awesome. Having a girlfriend is like a dream, which turns into a nightmare once she forces you to watch TWILIGHT! Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, AOD beat Alucard for the title before, so it’s his turn now. HEY! I just remembered an EUWC Fact! Miranda, if only you could hear me now. At least I had time to get my breath back from that stupid baseball bat shot. This guy AOD thinks he can old school me out… well it’s time to put pops back in his place. Wonder how the REAL AOD must feel about this guy. I mean seriously, hasn’t he ever heard of “Copyright Infringement”?

So while I have pops ready for another patented Kincaid Klash when he reverses and shoves me into the referee. Still doesn’t do him any good as he STILL gets the Kincaid Klash! Then… lights out?! All I remember then is something hit me on the head! A briefcase? The referee woke me up later to get me out of the ring. I couldn’t believe this guy AOD got the better of me, but wait what the f***!? That punk with the briefcase knocked me out in the match! Wait’ll I get my hands on him! And as for pops, he’s already got his hands full.

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