CHAPTER 16 – NERO

Sunday nights on Mainframe always meant one thing in particular; Sunday Nero LIVE! Self proclaimed “Great & Almighty” Nero spent a great deal of time and effort to make SNL a feature presentation of the show, almost as special as any main event. Hosted with his witty and sarcastic presentation style, Nero knew how to dazzle a crowd, let his feelings be known, and address any important issues in the EUWC by having guests over.

Of course, Mainframe on Mondays has meant the overall concept of Sunday Nero LIVE has taken a back burner. Its only once a while that Nero brings SNL out, and this week will be one of those times as the inflatable couches and disco lights adorn the ring. Nero, ever the flamboyant persona, has a microphone and ready to roll.

“EEE YOU DOUBLE YA SEE… WAT-UP!? Welcome all to SNL! Or “Work In Progress”, or “Someday Nero LIVE”. I dunno, Mainframe keeps changing days and going on hiatuses so many times, I can’t even keep track. Still, you can’t have Mainframe without the Great & Almighty one gracing you all with his presence, and getting record ratings in the process every week. And since we’ve had the show running for a few weeks now, guess they wanted to get the extra paydirt already.”

As always, the crowd takes Nero’s arrogance as both cheerful and annoying.

“So a lot of you have been wondering where I’ve been all these weeks. Well I had to get some stuff done, get a new place, trade in the Stang for that new one, getting rid of this guy name Beast that’s been bothering me, which I finally did at Ultra Brawl. But most importantly, I had to figure out some way to get to my number one priority in the EUWC, and that is to once again become the Great & Almighty WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!”

Nero smiles as the crowd offers him another mixed reaction.

“Thank you, you’re all too kind. Now since this Beast guy, er, thing, ruined a lot of my shots at the title all the time, I got the upper hand in a petition I was working on. See as I’m the enterprise that launched SNL and turned Mainframe into the highest rated wrestling show today, I came up with another brilliant idea for you, the FANS to be entertained! And for me to get back the gold again, but mostly for you FANS! And the gold.”

“So anyways, Uprising is coming up in a few weeks, but management thought there wasn’t anything huge. Sure we got Roidos defending the title against Bookbrain Taylor, and Stonos goes up against Goon. But what we REALLY needed was something new, something innovative, something NEROOOOOOO!!! So being the innovative brainstorm machine that I am, allow me to introduce to you the “Uprising Gauntlet Match!”

The fans are now excited with the announcement and the commentators are pumped up. Nero knows he’s got them by the strings now.

“Here’s how it works. There will be 20 competitors in one single match, which starts off with 2 at a time. Once one of those two is out by pinfall, submission, DQ or countout, the next guy comes in and so on and so forth. The first 10 guys will be selected by Prickstock obviously, while the last 10 will be former World Heavyweight Champions currently under contract. The former champ that held the gold previously will be the last entrant. And the winner at the end gets a guaranteed World Title shot at Summer Sizzler!”

“It’s gonna go down like this. 10 guys first, followed by the oldest reigning champion on the roster today, which (Nero pulls out a list from his pocket and reads) is… aw crap! Paul Goon. The next will be Bored Alucard, followed by the Angel of Death who’s still alive, making him the worst Angel of Death EVER! After that will be a mystery champion who even I don’t know and they won’t tell me! He’ll be followed by @$$y Mike C, and then “Your’s Truly”… wait I’m not supposed to, oh wait, sorry false alarm. It’s that third guy with Stonos and Roidos, the one who says “Yours Truly” all the time. Don’t remember his name right now, but WHO CARES! Following that is Gay Smash and then Queereye, which should make an interesting ‘hook-up’. The second last spot goes to ME, THE GREAT & ALMIGHTY NERO! And last is the former World Heavyweight Champion, STEALTH!”

The fans start cheering after hearing the lineup. Nero has done it again. It took a large effort to pitch in the match and get it approved. It even took a lot of sneaking around to get to be the first person to break the announcement. The idea works for him perfectly still, even if he’s second last in the match.

“But hey, I’m not done yet. Now that I’ve made my major announcement that is SURE To be the best thing since, well, the last best thing I ever came up with, allow me to introduce you to my guest tonight. He’s the former International Champion, and my former buddy; please welcome if you must: The Buzzard, Big ‘G’, Garrison, whatever he’s calling himself now!”

The music hits and Nero watches his old partner walk alone to the ring. Nero thought he’d bring his entourage out, but it didn’t look too much of a group after that other roid-freak guy got cut last week. Garrison enters the ring and grabs a mic as Nero welcomes him.

“Howya doin big buddy? You don’t look too good right now. Where’s that bunch of rookies you brought along with ya?”

“Yeah I don’t look too good, ‘pal’”, Garrison responds, still not in a pleasant mood. “As for where my boys are, well I got a surprise for you. See, since you made your big announcement, Matt Pickstock decided he had to reward you too. The reward is that tonight, you face one of my boys for his contract in the EUWC. Tonight, just like last week was for Martinez, you get to face Johnny Lao!”

Nero looks the least bit worried as the crowd boos. “Oh sure, I get to face another one of your guys who, judging by experience, will lose! Not just his experience, but also coz I’m AWESOME! But enough about me, for now. Let’s talk about you! Up until Ultra Brawl, you had it all man. You had the International title, you got rid of Bored Alucard and you were just bad-@$$. But now, you lost the International Title, Bored Alucard is back, and you look like you just got owned by everyone in the building. What’s happening big man? I thought you got broke Alucard’s back or something.”

“OF COURSE I DID! I heard the crack myself! Lord Alucard should be in some private ward in a hospital somewhere. And that’s where he is cause this guy coming around these few weeks is NOT ALUCARD! IT CAN’T BE HIM!”

Ah he’s on his nerves already. Nero loves it when he manages to get under anyone’s skin this easily.

“Well see, you say that, but then we have this…”

Nero points to the titantron where footage from 2 weeks ago shows Alucard kicking Garrison in the face to knock him down and cost the International Title. The clip is followed by another from last week where Alucard was spotted twice on the rafters.”

“So ya see G, he’s got the size, the hair, the same “Look at meeee!!! I’m boring you all from waaaaay above here” vibe. All that’s different is the mask, which seriously, is totally him, coz it’s even MORE BORING!”

“ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?!” Garrison retorts, with Nero smiling as always. “You actually believe this guy is Lord Alucard?!”

“Has to be. I swear I fell asleep the instant I saw him. Of course, everything else other than NERO makes me go to sleep anyway so…”

“WELL ITS NOT! You and everybody else are too blind to notice, but I BROKE ALUCARD! His doctor stated himself in a press conference that Alucard is out of commission for a long time! There is no way this guy magically healed himself and he’s back in top form, jumping around the ring like he’s a spry kid. No way, no how! Read my lips. Alucard is BROKEN!”

“Not this Alucard…” a chilling voice proclaims.

The arena suddenly goes dark as only the ring is lit up. The crowd is electric as both Nero and Garrison freak out.

“HEY! HEY! You can’t do this on MY SHOW! YOU WERENT INVITED!!!”

Both Garrison and Nero look up in the rafters where spotlights frantically search for the obvious source of the voice. Without locating anything however, the voice continues.

“You beat a man at the end of his rope. You picked off the pieces of a hunt already preyed upon. You won’t do that again. You will fall to me.”

The lights come back on as the crowd cheers.

“THAT’S IT!” Nero finally breaks the silence. “I am this close from banning the both of you from SNL. But I’ll do you one better when I stomp a big one right into your boy tonight! In the meantime, you can stay in the ring all you want, get a chair and telescope lookin’ around for Alucard. Tell him I said “RETIRE” when ya see him. Right now, I gotta order pizza for after I beat your boy tonight.”

Nero then exits the ring leaving Garrison behind none happier. He’d done what he wanted to. Had his show play once again, get to make the announcement about the Uprising Gauntlet, and even pi$$ed Garrison off in the process. Of course, contrary to his expectations, there wasn’t a damned smile on his face though.

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