Scene from Chapter 11

[In the hall for Vince McMahon’s Talent Search, after Jay Smash reveals/squeals to everyone that a league member is present in the building, Nero, in disguise, tries to convince everyone else he isn’t. Just then, a person brings a huge cake on the stage in a trolley.]

Nero: WOW! That’s a big cake!

Vince: Well, what have we here? I guess we can all take a little break and after which, we’ll get down to some serious talent searching. We’ll find the league member along the way. In the meantime, let’s enjoy this fabulous cake. Oh and during the break, if any of you suspect someone to be a league member, tell me or Mr. Holocaust or Mr. Doom immediately. If I find any one of you that’s keeping a secret, you’ll be sorry you did. For I am Vincent Kennedy McMahon! I OWN WRESTLING! I KILLED TED TURNER! No superstar has had the guts to stand up to me. Not Hogan, Not Austin, Not Foley, Not even The Undertaker…

[Just then the cake lid pops open but instead of the league, Randy Orton comes out and does his trademark pose.]

Randy: YOU’RE MINE TAKER…AW CRAP! That idiot Kane brought me in the wrong hall!!!

Nero: What the f–?

Vince: WHAT’S GOING ON IN HERE, I’M VINCE MCMAHON DAMMIT!

[On cue, the league barge in through the auditorium door and get on the stage.]

Nero: What the hell is going on here? And what took you guys so long?!

Taylor: Well, Orton stole the cake. And besides, you told us to wait till Vince said his line.

Nero: Alright then, Orton. What took YOU so long?!

Randy: I was waiting for someone to say “The Undertaker.” Besides, I’m Randy Orton. So sue me!

Nero: How could Orton possibly steal the cake? Alucard was guarding it wasn’t he?

Alucard: To tell you the truth Nero, I could care less about that infernal cake!

Taylor: So Orton, you wanted to catch Taker by surprise?

Randy: Yeah, just softening him up before my match at Wrestlemania. You gotta admit, that would have made for one near-heart attack.

Taylor: Whoa, hang on. Dude, this isn’t sports entertainment right now. You don’t have to follow and one-up Taker every waking moment.

Randy: What are you talking about?

Taylor: Hello? Sports entertainment? Wrestling? You entertain a crowd, do some matches, insult a couple of people, million dollar contracts.

Randy: You’re not making any sense. All I know is that I’m Randy Orton [sniffs the air] Legend……Killer. And I’ve accomplished killing legends, which will include Undertaker after tonight. What else do you expect me to do?

Taylor: Well…do the things you do after the show ends.

Randy: Well, after I took out Taker, I just went backstage and…I dunno, I guess they put me…back in… the box…?

Taylor: Riiiiiiiighht.

Nero: You mean you have no real life outside of WWE?

Randy: Real…life…wha–? What are they talking about Uncle Vince?

Vince: [wiping sweat] Uhhhh…that’s Vincent Kennedy McMahon to you!

Randy: Yes sir.

Classy: [after crying over the ruined cake] My beautiful cake! You’ll pay for this Orton!

Randy: Who the hell said that? Hey wait! You’re not that legendary unnoticeable guy, are you?

Classy: Me? Legendary? WOW! Oh wait…

[Randy listens intently for Classy’s voice source and RKO’s Classy]

Nero: You know you made up that whole ‘legendary’ unnoticeable guy crap, didn’t you?

Randy: You’re annoying me dude! I could RKO you too you know…

Nero: That’s actually my move pretty boy. And it’s called the Buzzcutter. RKO, PUH-lease!

Randy: On second thought…

[Randy then promptly RKO’s Nero, whose glasses and moustache comes off with the impact.]

Randy: BAM!

Nero: [down] Damn! My…entertaining….wrestling career…is over.

Taylor: Nah! You’re just saying that to make everyone feel happy.

Nero: Seriously, my time…is running…out.

Taylor: Oh really, my watch must be slow.

Alucard: Somehow, that would be the only Randy Orton moment I found entertaining.

Randy: Oh yeah? I could RKO you too…but hey wait, Kane warned me about you!

Alucard: I’m sure he did in another backstage altercation. You do realize he sexually assaulted Lita like that too.

Randy: Uh yeah, I did see that happen one time before they closed the lid on the box. Oh well, later. [Randy leaves]

Taylor: [to Alucard] You DO know that kid’s been brainwashed.

Alucard: I guess it wouldn’t work any other way. How incredibly underhanded and obnoxiously evil. Just the way I would like it. My compliments to the artist.

Vince: Aw geez, it was nothing.

Holocaust: AHEM!

Vince: Huh, wha–? OH MY GOD! It’s Nero! It was Nero all along!

Holocaust: [sarcastically] Yes, the fake moustache and glasses had all of us fooled.

Nero: [getting up] Now wait just a minute. I may look like The Great and Almighty Nero…

Taylor: Poor guy.

Nero: …but there is no way you can prove that I’m Nero. Face it; you’ll need concrete evidence to prove I’m Nero.

[Just then, Jay Smash comes on stage.]

Jay Smash: THERE HE IS! THAT’S HIM! NERO! HE WAS IN DISGUISE WITH THAT FAKE MOUSTACHE AND GLASSES! IT’S HIM, NERO! GET HIM!

Doom: The Squealer’s word is concrete evidence enough.

[Funaki also walks into the room.]

Funaki: Indeed!

[Silence as everyone just stares blankly at Funaki with no reaction, prompting Funaki to just drop his shoulders in sadness and walk away.]

Nero: That’s it! I’m gonna get you squealer!

[Nero charges towards Smash but then he just falls over something and its…yes, Classy Mike C]

Nero: Okay, is it so much to ask to get the unnoticeable guy OUT of my way before I run. Everyone knows I’m NOT gonna notice him lying there.

Classy: *sigh* If only things were different. Maybe after I become World Heavyweight Champion…

Taylor: Heh, like that’s gonna happen.

[A cloud of darkness comes over Classy as he stares at Taylor with rage for a moment and goes into self-thought]

Classy: Let it be known, that from this day, till the end of days, I will not rest till I DESTROY Sean Taylor and take the World Heavyweight Championship from him!

Jay Smash: FUTURE WORLD TITLE FUED! I’m Callin it! SQUEALER BABY!!!!

==========================================

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