Chapter 8 – Its Junkyard Brawl Time!

[We see JBL’s Limo arriving at a gate that has a sign on the top saying “Junkyard.” As the limo goes inside, we see another sign at the side of the gate saying “WARNING! Trespassers Will Be NEXT!” The limo stops inside in front of a trailer and the league members get off. Nero is reading a diary.]

Nero: According to this, Bradshaw is down a hundred grand in beer tabs.

Taylor: Gee, you think after being such a stock market fatcat, he would at least be able to pay off 100000.

Nero: That’s nothing! There’s more. He also owes Farooq 250000 in poker money. What a sore loser! 

Taylor: As much as I would love to hear JBL’s money woes, we came here for a reason. As a matter of fact, we’re here to get your blasted van!

Nero: Of course we are. You guys find it while I read all of this. This is gonna make me rich.

Classy: More that JBL?

Nero: I can dream.

Taylor: Alright, we’ll have to get this one over with as soon as we can. Its3 A.M.and Wrestlemania is still 18 hours away. And I have a plan.

Alucard: A plan??? Interesting. This is probably the first time we’ve actually had a plan.

Taylor: What about back at the Hall of fame show?

Alucard: Ah yes, THAT plan. Regardless, this plan you speak of, what is it?

Taylor: Well its simple, we…

Nero: HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Taylor: I haven’t even started yet!

Nero: [cracking up] No not that, listen to this. It says here that he went to have liposuction but accidentally got breast implants!!!

Taylor: You’re kidding right?

Nero: Have you seen his excess skin? They got the boobies out but they couldn’t get much of the excess skin!! HILARITY!!!

Alucard: Yes I’m sure. Now then, can we get on with this plan???

Taylor: Right. Now as I was saying…

Nero: HAHAHAHA!!!

Taylor & Alucard: NOW WHAT!

Nero: He also owes a fat pile to the good people at Happy Malehood Clinic. WOOOO!!!

Classy: You mean…

Nero: OH YEAH!!! WOOOOOHOO!!!

Taylor: Well, maybe he has some small problems in the bedroom department…

Nero: YEAH! I’M SURE THEY’RE REAL SMALL ALRIGHT! WOOOOOOOHOOO!

Taylor: Hehe

Classy: Hehehe..

Alucard: [annoyed] Yes, YES, you’re all masters of comedy! Now WHAT IS THIS PLAAAAANNNNN!!!

Taylor: Hehe, yeah. Now then, when we find the van, obviously Hall and Nash may be lying in wait for us. So we’ll have to go in pairs. Once those two attack the two of us, the rest can take them out.

Classy: Sounds simple enough. Except for one thing.

Taylor: And that is?

Classy: We can’t go any further without asking the junkyard owner first. [Points to trailer]

Taylor: Well, we’ll just ask him permission. How hard can that be?

[Taylor, Alucard and Classy approach the door andTaylorknocks. Classy seems to be shivering a little.]

Taylor: What’s with you?

Classy: Dunno. Just a little scared of this place, it’s hideous. God know what the animal that runs this place may be like.

Taylor: Don’t worry; I’m sure the guy’s nice, kind and understanding man.

[Suddenly the door opens inside and Bill Goldberg emerges out and yells, combined with spit and garble.]

Goldberg: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT!!! [spit, garble]

Taylor and Alucard: [getting some of the spit over them] Ewww.

Taylor: So you’re running a junkyard now, huh?

Goldberg: WHATS IT TO YA?!

Alucard: [wiping his glasses with a handkerchief] I’m sure it’s an excellent punishment for ruining Wrestlemania 20 indeed.

Goldberg: You two gonna be sorry for running your mouths at ME! Better leave now or, YOU’RE NEXT! [Points to Alucard] And you [points toTaylor] YOU’RE NEXT!!! In fact, both of you are NEXT!!!

Taylor: What about him? [Points to Classy]

Goldberg: WHAT ABOUT WHO!!!???

Taylor: Oh great, you can’t notice him either.

Classy: And a good thing too. At least I’m not covered in spit.

Goldberg: WHO SAID THAT!? YOU BETTER COME OUT, OR YOU’RE NEXT!!! And you two, YOU’RE NEXT!!! KNOW WHAT!? YOU’RE ALL NEXT, ALL OF YOU ARE NEXT!!!!

[Goldberg starts screaming and shouting. Another shouting is heard and the three league members look behind them. They immediately get out of the way as Garrison charges at Goldberg and spears him all the way inside the trailer! Nero joins the three as they watch Garrison lay a savage beating on Goldberg, including giving him his own Jackhammer.]

Alucard: It would have taken me just one move to finish him off.

Taylor: I’m sure it would.

Alucard: Nevertheless, since he’s handling Goldberg, the N.W.O. is mine!

Taylor: Yeah, why is it that he every time he pops out of a car, he proceeds to destroy everything he sees.

Nero: Works for me.

Taylor: Oh, you’re back? Got tired of the diary.

Nero: Yeah, after reading about Bradshaw’s ‘little’ problems, there wasn’t “much more” to look at! WOOOOHOOO!!!

Classy: Why call him Bradshaw? JBL is growing on everyone.

Taylor: Yeah. He’s Just Being Lame.

Nero: Lame is right! Upstairs AND ‘Downstairs!’ WOOOOHOOOO!!!

Taylor: Hehehehe…right. Now then, let’s get on with the plan.

Alucard: AT LAST!

Taylor: Nero, once Garrison’s done with Goldberg, get him and Alucard and cover us. Me and Classy will head for the wagon and bring the N.W.O. out of hiding.

Classy: Why ME!?

Taylor: Hey, Goldberg didn’t notice you. Unless those two are really drunk to actually notice you, we won’t have much trouble.

Classy: Fine! Let’s get it over with.

[Taylor and Classy quietly walk ahead. After a couple of wrecked cars, they find the “Not the Nero Wagon.”]

Taylor: So far so good. No sign of the N.W.O.

[As if on cue, Hall and Nash jump out from behind two wrecked cars.]

Hall: Guess again pretty boy!

Taylor: [sarcastically] “Oh no. Its Hall and Nash. We’re in big trouble now.”

Nash: Whadya mean ‘we’? You’re the only one in trouble, not us.

Classy: Okay, so they’re not that drunk. That’s odd.

Hall: Not drunk enough to do this. CATCH! [Throws a beer can which hits Taylor’s head.] 

Taylor: OWWW! YOU THREW A BEER CAN AT ME!!!

Nash: He did WHAT?! You idiot! That was the last can!

Hall: DAMMNN!

Nash: Maybe after we beat him up, McMahon’s gonna give us more beer.

Hall: MORE BEER!

Classy: Yeah, just beat ‘him’ up. I’m not even here. You can’t see me here.

Taylor: Beat ME up? I’m the Undisputed Greatest EUWC Double Champion Of All Time. I certainly don’t deserve to get beat up by these two washed up losers.

Hall: WASHED UP!? I’ll have you know I haven’t had a shower since last month.

Nash: He’s gone too far. GET HIM!

Taylor: NERO!!!!

Hall: BEER!!!

Garrison: ROAR!!!

[Garrison runs out and does a Lou Thesz Press on Scott Hall and punches him repeatedly.]

[Moments Later…]

[Garrison is still hammering away on Hall.]

Hall: [crying] NO MORE!! I CANT TAKE ANYMORE!!!

[Nero comes up and holds a beer can over his head.]

Hall: Ooooh, beer.

[Garrison then punches the beer can all the way to Hall’s face. Scott Hall is out cold.]

Nero: That’s for stealing my van. And get a deodorant!

[Meanwhile, Kevin Nash is down on his knees breathing heavily. Alucard is standing in front of him.]

Nash: Just stand…right there. I know I can…do it. Here it comes…

[Nash kicks Alucard in the gut and lifts him up for a Jackknife Powerbomb but Alucard reverses and stands behind him.]

Alucard: [yawn] Yes it was amazing to watch you try to jackknife me for the last 27 times. Oh well… [delivers a thunderous Einhander to Nash.]

[The league gathers in the “Not the Nero Wagon.” Garrison gets Torpid from the limo and puts him in the driver’s seat where he wakes up.]

Torpid: Oooh, bunnies.

Taylor: Right, this mission was accomplished, even with glitches. Alucard, nice job with Nash…

Alucard: It certainly was a work of art.

Taylor: Garrison, just don’t beat us up in the future. Classy, you were no help at all.

Classy: Right, blame it all on the unnoticeable guy.

Taylor: And Nero, I still hate your guts.

Nero: Likewise Sean, likewise.

Taylor: Alright. Let’s get out of here!

[Torpid puts the foot on the gas and the “Not the Nero Wagon” speeds out of the junkyard. From the other direction, two police cars enter the junkyard and stop next to the limo. Out of one, two police officers and the Basham Brothers come out, and out of the other, two more cops and JBL.]

JBL: Alright, The Squealer was right! Wait till I get my hands on those lowlifes.

Danny Basham: [opens the boot of the limo] Hey, I found OJ.

JBL: OJ! SCREW OJ!

Doug Basham: What, right now?

JBL: [slaps Doug on the back of the head] Not literally you idiot. I’m looking for something else. [checks inside his limo.] Oh no, it’s gone!

Danny: What is?

JBL: NONE OF YOUR BEEZWHACKS!!! OJ IS IN BIG TROUBLE!!!

[Just then, they hear a yelling from the trailer and Bill Goldberg comes out.]

Goldberg: ALRIGHT, NOW IM REALLY MAD!!! ALL OF YOU ARE NEXT!!!

JBL: Holy shit! Everybody RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

 

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