Chapter 5 – The Night is Here

[There’s a huge crowd of people outside the Universal Ampitheatre as the WWE Hall of Fame show is almost underway. Fans are waiting outside trying to get a glimpse of their favorite celebrities and WWE Superstars. Just then, the “Not the Nero Wagon” pulls up at the entrance and the League of Extraordinary Wrestlers steps out. Lord Alucard is in an all black suit. Paul Doom is in an off-white suit. Sean Taylor is in a dark grey tuxedo as is Classy Mike C. Nero, however, is in a zebra-skin pattern suit, looking completely flashy and smoking a cigar. The cameras click and flash around the league as Nero is posing for photographs.]

Nero: Take down the headline boys. Wrestling Icon and the other guys are here.

Taylor: If it was my kid, I would never have him showboat like that ever.

Classy: Then again, Vince is the one paying for the suits, right Doom.

Doom: Yes, and he’s gonna cut it from our paychecks once we get our contracts.

Classy: Just like Vince McMahon. He isn’t a cheapskate, and yet you can’t help but get the feeling he IS an @$$-hole.

Doom: I suggest you mind your tongue, or else…

Nero: What?! You gonna tell Vinny??? What are you, his gopher or something??

Doom: How dare you!

Taylor: Enough! As soon as this mission is over, I never, EVER want to associate myself with you, EVER AGAIN!!!

Nero: That is till you’ll want a shot at my prestigious WWE Title, when you will BEG me for a title shot…

Taylor: I don’t think there will ever be a point in my career where you’re the heavyweight champion. Maybe after you grow old and retire, they’ll make you an honorary champion.

Nero: Uh, REALITY CHECK! [In a crybaby voice] “Oh please Almighty Nero, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give me a title shot. It’ll finally give me a chance to have an upper card match.”

Taylor: This is ridiculous. Can we just get on with this stupid mission? Before Holocaust and The Dominion strike, we’ll have to find them first. So we’ll split up and look for them. When we get the signal, we’ll strike and get Holocaust.

Classy: And what is this signal?

Nero: All of the Hall of Famers hiding under a table, Hogan still posing, and all of the divas running to me to protect them.

Taylor: Far fetched, but anyways, let’s split up and get those damn contracts.

Classy: Uh, I’ll be right back. I’m just gonna check if Torpid is fine.

[As time progresses, and the Hall of Fame show is nearing its conclusion….

Hogan: [On stage] SO WHADYA GONNA DO….

[In the far seats..]

Nero: [Covering his ears] Geez, I think I can still hear.

Taylor: [Also covering his ears] I think McMahon wants Hogan’s immortal words to ring in the next generation’s minds and ears literally.

[Suddenly, a large balloon falls from the ceiling and bursts into mid-air! All of the hall of famers clutch their chests and the audience freaks out and starts to panic. Alucard and Doom, who have been sitting at a different table, join Nero and Taylor. Meanwhile Classy runs in from the entrance way and joins the league.]

Taylor: Where were you?

Classy: Uh outside, talking to Torpid.

Nero: You’ve been spending a lot of time with that nitwit, haven’t you?

Classy: What do you mean lot? I’ve just been chatting with the chap, that’s all. Just some EUWC trivia that’s all. Why, what are you guys thinking? I HAVENT DONE ANYTHING WRONG AT ALL, UNDERSTAND!!!

Nero: What’s with him?

Taylor: No idea.

Alucard: If we can get to the business at hand, it appears as if Holocaust has arrived.

Doom: Yes, the balloon with the Dominion logo was obvious.

Taylor: The superstars are running, the hall of famers are having heart attacks. Not so surprisingly, Hogan is hulking up….

Nero: Won’t be long before the divas run over to the Amazing Nero.

Taylor: Yeah, you keep that thought. We’ll need to act fast. Hogan can be in real danger and he doesn’t know it.

Alucard: And doesn’t care.

[Just then, the Dominion’s Random Wrestlers march into the ampitheatre and a brawl breaks out between them and the WWE superstars.]

Classy: We’ll never get to the oldies now.

Taylor: We’ll have to get through that brawl to get to them.

Nero: And ruin my suit? NEVER!!!

Alucard: I’m sure that I and Doom can get through the brawlers.

Taylor: That may not be enough. It’s a lot of brawlers. Heat sucking and No-selling can only get you far.

Classy: Hmmm, this may be the perfect time to bring out Garrison.

Nero: Well make it quick, the WWE superstars are now starting to brawl by themselves. I think Triple H just killed Jericho again.

Taylor: Alucard, you and Doom clear the way. We’ll bring in Garrison to assist you. Then Nero, Classy and I make a run to the Hall of Famers.

Nero: Ohhhh no. You don’t expect me to run in this wardrobe.

Taylor: We’ll figure that out later. Let’s get to it!


[Garrison comes growling into the building wearing what looks like a ripped up tuxedo.]

Garrison: ALRIGHT!!! Time to beat me up some WWE jobbers…hello Benjamin!!!

[Garrison beats Shelton Benjamin down to a pulp and moves on to other superstars.]


Taylor: We’ll never make it to the stage in time.

Nero: Hey look, a bike!!!

[Nero hops on the motorcycle. Taylor reluctantly gets on as well.]

Nero: Come ON Lizzie!!! Get this thing started.

Taylor: But, I can’t.

Nero: And why not?

Taylor: Promise you won’t laugh.

Nero: Promise!

Taylor: I don’t know how to ride a bike.


Taylor: HEY! You promised


[The bike rides into the hall of fame show with Taylor sitting in the middle and Nero behind him laughing away.]

Nero: HAHAHAHA…HEY! The bike’s riding by itself!

Classy: I’m riding the bike!

Nero: Oooh, it talks too!!! Like Knight Rider!!

Classy: AARGH!!!

[They’re riding they’re bike through the crowd of brawling wrestlers and WWE superstars. Scene cuts to Josh Mathews whose face is covered with apple and spit, courtesy of Carlito.]

Carlito: So The Next Time CARLITO Tells You To Get A Soda, You Get CARLITO A Soda! And If You Don’t, You’re Not Coooooolllll. And CARLITO Spits In The Face Of People Who Don’t Want to Be….

[Someone grabs Carlito by the shoulder.]

Carlito: Alright! Whoever You Are, You Better Get Your Hands Off The Merchandise, Or CARLITO Will Spit [turns around and sees its Lynch Garrison] AhHHHH, You’re So Big, And Coooooll. Apple? [Offers Garrison an apple.]

Garrison: Thanks. [takes the apple and takes a bite out of it, then he puts the whole apple into Carlito’s mouth and punches him in the face. Carlito falls 10 feet away and onto a table.]

Carlito: [spits apple put of mouth.] Uhh, Carlito…Needs..Doctor…


[Alucard and The Undertaker are sitting and sipping tea amid all the chaos.]

Alucard: So I understand that they want you to actually ‘sell’ to Randy Orton?

Undertaker: Yeeesss. Just some stupid gargoyle crap about “having a good match.”

Alucard: Indeed! It’s so annoying. At least you don’t have to team up with Kane to take on Snitsky and Heidenreich.

Undertaker: [Shivers] Uhhuhuhuhuh…Yes. It’s a sorry state of affairs.

Alucard & Undertaker: Oh dear, Oh dear, Oh dear…[both sip tea.]

[The bike is nearing the stage, riding through the crowd.]

Nero: [Spotting something.] Hmmm…Okay guys this is where I get off.

Taylor: What?!

Nero: Don’t worry, I’ll be at the stage in a flash. [jumps off bike.]

[Nero runs up and we see John Cena looking for something under a table.]

Nero: Looking for something Marky Mark?

Cena: [Immediately grabs Nero by the throat] THERE YOU ARE!!! Oh… [Lets him go] Who the hell are you??

Nero: I am The Almighty Nero, The Most Legendary…

Cena: Yeah, yeah, whatever homie, just chill for a minute dawg. Listen dude, I’m lookin’ for this little creepy dude, kinda looks and talks just like ya! So if you see this lil punk@$$, you let him know that IF YOU WANT SOME, COME GET SOME…

[John Cena is hit with a steel chair on the back by Christian and is out cold.]

Christian: Haha! You can’t see me now, can you Cena! CAUSE YOU’RE UNCONSCIOUS!!!

Nero: Now that is brilliant.

[On the stage, Hogan is still hulking up, when Paul Doom comes over to him.]


Doom: Don’t worry, I’m here to help.

[Just then, the bike pulls up on the stage & Classy andTaylorget off. But from behind Hogan, Holocaust steps next to him.]

Taylor: Doom, Its Holocaust!! Don’t let him get Hogan!

Doom: On the contrary… [Doom grabs Hogan. At first Hogan tries to get loose but soon he falls unconscious.]

Classy: Well what do you know; he just sucked out Hogan’s heat! All of it!!!

Taylor: Doom’s with Holocaust, don’t let him get away!

[Taylorand Classy run towards them but Doom just chokeslams Classy whileTaylormisses a clothesline to Holocaust and Holocaust delivers the Burnt Offering to Taylor. Hogan quickly gets up, though.]


[Hogan takes down Doom with a Big Boot and teases a Hogan Leg Drop, but Holocaust not wanting to take any more chances uses chloroform on Hogan’s mouth and Hogan falls unconscious again. Garrison and Nero get to the stage but it’s too late. Holocaust and Doom have already kidnapped Hogan whileTaylorand Classy are still down.]

Nero: Oh boy. Well, we know who’s responsible for this, don’t we Queenie???



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