Chapter 4 – Quiet Discussion

[Its evening and the “Not the Nero Wagon” is on the road heading for the Universal Ampitheatre. Doom is driving while Garrison is in the front seat, still unconscious. Torpid is on the floor, about to come to. Taylor and Classy are sitting in the first row, over Casey Torpid. Nero and Alucard are in the back row.]

Nero: So Alucard, I was wondering, do you have some kinda weak spot or something?

Alucard: Why do you ask that?

Nero: Oh nothing. Actually I saw this movie sometime, didn’t see the title. Anyways there’s this guy with a grey suit and long hair and nothing can happen to him. HE gets shot, nothing. He gets cut, nothing.

Alucard: I can relate to that in some ways.

Nero: Err… yeah. So anyways, he has this painting see. It’s his own picture, and when he sees it, he turns to dust.

Alucard: Yes, I know the feeling. I also have a very important piece of paper which holds the secret to my in-vulnerabilities

Nero: Would that be your contract?

Alucard: How did you know?

Nero: Just guessing. So what would happen if your contract is burnt or torn up in pieces…

Alucard: [Grabs Nero by the collar] I recommend you never say something like that to me again. I consider that blasphemy. [Lets him go]

Nero: Of course you would.

[Meanwhile, Casey Torpid is regaining consciousness. Taylor and Classy are sitting next to him.]

Torpid: Uhhhhh…what hit me?

Taylor: We don’t know. We found you unconscious outside the van. Someone beat you up. Alucard thinks he also put you in a Boston crab or a sharpshooter.

Classy: Yes, a sharpshooter indeed! Definitely by Bret Hart! He did one to Garrison too!

Taylor: What’s with you?

Classy: Nothing, NOTHING! Why?! Why are you asking me that!? I didn’t do anything!!! It was Bret Hart, I know it was!!!

Torpid: Uhhhh, yeahhh. Someone took me down and the next thing I know I was upside down with by back up and someone with a crab or something.

Classy: See?!

[A phone bell is heard ringing and Paul Doom opens up the briefcase in front which has an LCD monitor.]

Doom: Mr. McMahon is on the line.

[The screen shows the image of Vince McMahon on a live satellite stream.]

Taylor: Hello Vince. How’s it hanging?

Vince: How dare you talk to me like that! I’M VINCE MCMAHON, DAMMIT!!!

Taylor: Okay.

Vince: How are things coming along with the league?

Taylor: Well, all’s fine up till now. Alucard and Garrison have been recruited and we also met Doom. Although someone attacked Torpid, we can’t tell who it was.

Vince: Who’s Torpid?

Classy: Nero’s driver, he doesn’t matter much!

Torpid: …although it could have been a Texas cloverleaf… [Classy stomps on him]

Classy: Oops.

Taylor: So anyways, we’re all set and on our way to the hall of fame show.

Vince: Right, right. Now CUT THE CRAP AND LISTEN UP!!! There will be a lot of big names at the show and I want you guys to make sure that Holocaust doesn’t ruin the night. Sylvester Stallone is going to be there to induct Hogan into the Hall of Fame. If that moment is ruined, THE SHOW AND WRESTLEMANIA ARE GOING TO BE A DISASTER!!!

Taylor: You think Holocaust will pick that moment. What a cliché!

Vince: Nevertheless, your future WWE contracts depend on it! So if you don’t stop Holocaust, YOU WILL FACE THE WRATH OF VINCENT KENNEDY MCMAHON, DAMMIT!!!

Nero: Uh, Vinny, isn’t it time for your beauty nap?

Vince: YES, DAMMIT!!! [Falls asleep and the screen displays “End Transmission.”]

Taylor: Phew, for once, thanks Nero.

Nero: Are you kidding? The veins were coming out of his forehead. Imagine if they burst, we could be covered in Vinny goo!

Taylor: Yeah I can imagine Vince’s blood coming all the way to us via satellite. Now then, we have two more hours till the show starts. We better be vigilant for the whole night.

Nero: But first, we better get ourselves some tuxedos. I don’t know about you guys, but I ain’t going to one of the biggest shows in Hollywood without looking fabulous.

Taylor: Nero, we’re going there to stop Holocaust, not be a part of the paparazzi.

Nero: Oh look, the Undisputed JACKASS of the world is going to go the hall of fame show looking like a garage grease monkey.

Alucard: He does have a point. We’ll have to look our best for the evening.

Nero: Yeah, plus we’re gonna fight evil in suits! Totally James Bond like!!!

Taylor: Fine. [Looking at Torpid] What happened to you?

Torpid: I dunno, I think someone kicked me in the face or something.

Taylor: But I’m the only one sitting here.

Classy: [Under his breath] Hehe, I knew I could get away with it.

[Meanwhile…]

Nero: So, what would happen if your contract mysteriously disappeared?

Alucard: [gives Nero a mean grin.] I don’t know about the contract, but if YOU don’t want to mysteriously disappear, I suggest you shut your trap!

Taylor: I sure hope so.

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