Chapter 2 – Encounter Time

[Its evening time and we see the Nero Wagon driving on the highway. Casey Torpid, who looks very dazed, is driving the wagon, with Classy Mike C sitting next to him.]

Torpid: I’m really sorry about the door.

Classy: For the fourth time, I’m telling you that it wasn’t your fault. Many people have problems noticing me.

Torpid: Oh yeah, why’s that?

Classy: Lets just say I’m suffering for being the greatest EUWC 52-Wild Champion. God that title has kept me in the same place as I was for almost a year now. I can’t imagine why. The EUWC couldn’t find anyone else to push for that division.

Torpid: Oh yeah, now I remember. I was actually gonna have a shot at the 52-Wild Title sometime back after you beat Evol. I don’t remember a lot, but back then I had a lot of popularity. Then I left. Hey, here’s a thought. If I had beat you then, you could have moved on and become a bigger champ.

Classy: Really? So, if you had stayed then, YOU could have been the next 52-Wild champ and then I could have had a push and become International or U.S. Champ then.

Torpid: Yup.

Classy: Tell me something. Why did you leave the company then?

Torpid: I dunno, I guess I didn’t feel like it anymore.

Classy: [with an evil and icy stare] Didn’t… feel….like it!!!???

Torpid: Yup.

Classy: [evilly] I see…

[In the back, Nero and Taylor are arguing.]

Taylor: Okay, smart@$$, answer me this. We’re riding on the road in a van which is practically an invitation to Holocaust and the Dominion. What do you say about that?

Nero: Oh yeah?! How’s that?

Taylor: Oh jeez, I don’t know. Could it be corny color scheme, or wait, how about the fact that it has “The Nero Wagon” painted in some stupid kind of glow in the dark paint on both sides???!!! Answer me that!

Nero: Ah yes. Don’t worry, I’ve got that covered.

Taylor: Please tell me you’re not going to literally cover it up with a cloth or something.

Nero: Hey, how dumb do you think I am?

[Cut to outside on the side of the wagon which says “The Nero Wagon”, only someone has sprayed “Not” in front of it with spray paint. It now reads “Not the Nero Wagon.” Nero is standing next to it and is approached by Taylor.]

Taylor: Ah yes, very original Nero.

Nero: Don’t call me Nero. We’ll use secret names. Call me Nemo.

Taylor: Doesn’t that mean nobody in Latin?

Nero: Yeah.

Taylor: That you are Nemo, that you are.

[We see that the “Not the Nero Wagon” is parked in front of a large but old house having a very spooky look. The league members head for the door.]

Nero: Torpid, stand guard of the wagon.

Torpid: Yes, oh Great and Almighty Nero!

Taylor: I thought you were Nemo.

Nero: I am, but he’s just praising the almighty Nero. That’s no big deal.

[Torpid heads back for the van but he trips and falls down.]

Torpid: Oh, sorry there Classy. I didn’t notice your leg outstretched like that.

Classy: No biggie.

[Classy walks back to Nero and Taylor with a smirk on his face.]

Taylor: What was that all about?

Classy: Nothing that would concern you. [Sarcastically] This is a lovely spot. Does Lord Alucard live here?

[Taylor knocks on the door. A few moments later, it is opened by Lord Alucard.]

Nero: Now that was definitely odd.

Taylor: Alucard.


Taylor: We come by way of Vince McMahon.

Alucard: Ah yes. @$$-hole extraordinaire. Well I’ve already told him and I’m telling you, I’m not interested.

[Suddenly Nero barges in through the door, and Taylor follows]

Nero: Hey Boredy, spooky place you got here.

Alucard: [sarcastically] Ah Nero, please do come in.

[Nero and Taylor enter Alucard’s main hall. Alucard is about to close the front door when Classy Mike C quickly scurries into the house.]

Alucard: Ah, Mike C. Thought I’d miss you?

Classy: [a little intimidated] Ohh…yyyou noticed mmee?

Alucard: I don’t miss much.

[Both of them enter the hall and join Nero and Taylor.]

Taylor: This place has got a charming décor.

Nero: Yeah but the outside could use a paint job. Why it looks like as if it was Bored Alucard’s house. Hehe.

Alucard: Thank you for the compliment Nero. Actually I was planning to try a new color shade called “Hint of Brain.”

Taylor: That’s a problem, Nero doesn’t have a brain.

Nero: Yeah, HEY!

[Alucard sits down on a sofa.]

Alucard: So Taylor, Vince chose you to lead? That double title reign is coming quite handy, isn’t it?

Taylor: You mean my being the Undisputed Greatest EUWC Double Champion of All Time.

Nero: Ever consider using a short form for that?

Classy: I must say I am curious about why did Vince choose Alucard. We all have features that make us extraordinary. I am probably the least likely to be seen, which gives me an edge.Taylor has the experience and the leadership abilities. And Nero…well…Vince had an extra slot to fill.

Nero: [who is standing next to Classy Mike C with a compact mirror] Hey! You DO have a reflection!

Classy: Uh, yes. But what of you Alucard? What do you have that makes you so special?

Alucard: I have something every superstar wants, but can never get.

Taylor: Have you guys ever seen Alucard wrestle?

Nero: Unfortunately yes.

Taylor: Ever notice how he always keeps on winning and taking down opponents?

Classy: Yes why?

[Before Taylor can answer, the front door breaks open and in enter random unknown wrestlers dressed in generic wrestling gear and surround the room in a circle. The league is startled and looks around the intruders.]

Nero: Okay Boredy, what’s the deal with the jobbers?

Alucard: They’re not mine.

Heavy Voice: They are mine!

[In comes Holocaust, followed by a few other random wrestlers.]

Nero: But, how did they find us?

Taylor: Lemme guess. Was it the “Not the Nero Wagon” written on that van of yours?

Nero: I’d appreciate if you lay off the wagon.

Alucard: His van actually says “Not the Nero Wagon”???

Holocaust: Yes. At first it looked like an excellent giveaway. I thought it was a trap. I didn’t think Nero would be that stupid. But now that I know that he is, I have much less to worry about. Oh and Nero, I see that pipe behind you. Drop it.

Nero: [throws the pipe away behind him] What pipe?

Holocaust: You have been gathered together to stop me, that of course I cannot allow. So I’m here to give you a one time offer. Join me. Alucard, Taylor, with you on my side, we will have more power than you can ever imagine.

Nero: Hey! What about me?

Classy: And me?

Holocaust: You Classy I didn’t notice. And you Nero, I don’t want to notice.

[Just then, Casey Torpid enters the house with a pizza.]

Torpid: Oh Great and Almighty Nero, your pepperoni and cheese pizza has arrived…

[Holocaust turns around and just then Torpid slips on the broken down door and inadvertently throws the pizza which hits Holocaust in the face.]

Holocaust: [furious] GET THEM!!!

[The random wrestlers attack the league members.Taylorstarts fighting some of them, Alucard starts taking on a large group of them. None of them seem to be attacking Classy, meanwhile Nero hides under the couch. Holocaust is leaving but does deliver the Ragnarok to Torpid.Tayloris fighting them tooth and nail, Alucard seems to reverse every attack the wrestlers put at him. Some of the wrestlers spot Nero’s feet under a couch.]

RW: Come out and fight like a man!

Nero: [slides out under the couch and jumps up] I fight a little differently.

[As one of them charges at Nero, Nero ducks and hits a low blow to the wrestler and starts using dirty tactics to eliminate the rest, such as giving one guy a wedgie and slapping one down to the ground. Meanwhile there are bodies everywhere around Alucard, who is taking everyone down with effortless ease.Tayloris fighting for his life and is being attacked from all sides when Classy comes in to help and the wrestlers don’t know what’s hitting them. They look around each other but end up on the receiving end of a spine buster and power bombs, courtesy of Classy Mike C. One person has a coffee table in hand ready to attackTaylor.]

Taylor: Hey look behind you, its Classy Mike C!

RW: [turns around] I don’t see anyone…

[Taylor takes the chance and delivers the Bloodrush.]

Taylor: I was hoping for that. Thanks Classy.

Classy: No problem.

[Nero finishes off one guy with a Nero Kick and then Classy whips one guy toTaylorwho delivers a stunning Bloodrush! The three look around and see the bodies and look at Alucard, who is still dropping wrestlers like flies. The last person tries to get in some old school punches to Alucard but they don’t even affect him. Alucard grins and delivers the Einhander to the guy who is just about to pass out.]

RW: What…is it…with you?

Alucard: I have a contract clause.

[A few moments later.]

Nero: WOW! I thought I was unique, but you my friend have the RARE AND AMAZING ABILITY OF NO-SELLING!!!

Alucard: Why indeed I do, watch this.

[As he says it, a random wrestler gets up and charges at Alucard but Alucard just takes him down with a clothesline and the wrestler can’t get up anymore.]

Taylor, Nero and Classy: [GASP] Extraordinary.

Taylor: Well I guess we better be going. Thanks for the help Alucard. See ya later.

Alucard: On the contrary, I do believe I can honor the position I’ve been chosen for. I haven’t had this much fun utilizing my contractual clause ever before. If this is a preview of things to come, I’ll have a lot of fun as the journey progresses.

Taylor: So you changed your mind. I knew the idea for a WWE contract couldn’t keep you away.

Alucard: Actually, I’m only in because this house doesn’t repair itself. McMahon will have to pay for all the damage.

Classy: That is if we succeed.

Alucard: You mean ‘when’ we succeed. You don’t expect a man with abilities such as me will go into a mission as insignificant as this and actually fail.

Taylor: Dude, this is Wrestlemania we’re talking about. WWE’s biggest PPV of the year! Who knows what diabolical schemes Holocaust has in mind.

Nero: I’m guessing he’ll hypnotize Viscera and make him grab the ring announcer.

Classy: And then?

Nero: And then DO IT right in the ring!

Taylor: That’s disgusting Nero. You obviously can’t sink any deeper than that.

Nero: Oh yes I can, every one knows the announcer at Wrestlemania is Howard Finkel!

Classy and Taylor: AAARRGHH….EEEW.

Taylor: Get a grip dude.

Classy: [cough] Oh no, I think I just imagined it.

Alucard: I have seen fear. I have seen blood. I have seen carnage and destruction. But I have never visualized a thought as hideous as that.

Classy: I think McMahon should have had Nero agree to shut up during the mission.

Nero: You know that can’t be done.

Taylor: How unfortunate. Then, if we have no more perverted fantasies to hear about, all we have to do is recruit one more member and get on with the mission. So let’s get going.

Nero: Not just yet. As you can see, Torpid took the Ragnarok and is unconscious. It’ll take ages for him to get up and get ready to drive.

Alucard: Why not just drive yourself?

Taylor: Yeah right. I’m sure he can only drive cars he finds inGTAViceCity, with a joystick on Playstation 2

Nero: That’s absurd! I just bought San Andreas.



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